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Extreme Support Challenge: Day 3

Something is starting to bloom within me. Some sense of self-worth that I still squint at skeptically when reflecting on it, despite feeling it deeply when it arises unexpectedly. I think I’m starting to believe that the world is a better place when I’m better off in it. That investing in myself means more than working hard to improve, it means investing in self-care and asking for what I need.

“I love being able to support you. And I love witnessing your process.”

That’s an actual quote. I reached out to a friend for support, talked about what I was striving for and how I was falling short, and received all these beautiful reflections on all the ways I’m already living what I’m striving toward.

Argh! I am so afraid of accepting that I’m good enough. Of resting on my laurels. But when I pressure myself to be perfect, it always backfires into obstinance and procrastination.

At some point I’m going to have to choose between the shallow prizes that come with striving to improve so I can win the imaginary comparison game, and the deep well of grounded wellbeing that comes with choosing to just love myself the way I am.

Right now I’m just overwhelmed and in a shame spiral because I procrastinated on asking for help on a big project I’ve been working on. I want to edit the project so it’s perfect first, but the help I need is to have people watch it so I know what parts to keep. But if there are too many slow moments, I’m afraid no one will want to continue on, and I’ll lose momentum and the project will never come to light.

Blah. I am trying to control, and it’s choking off all my flow. Oh well. It’s never too late to surrender and just let the chips fall where they may.

Mmmmm, that feels yummy. To surrender and let what wants to be born come through me, instead of trying to make what I want happen. I can take responsibility for showing up and being vulnerable, and let go of responsibility for the rest of it.

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