I recently stumbled across a Craigslist ad titled “Fun and Sassy Blogger Wanted!”, posted by an online BDSM toy/apparel retailer. (BDSM, for those unfamiliar, stands for Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism.) Overjoyed by the novelty of this chance Craigslist encounter, I soon found myself unable to wipe the grin off my face. I thought, these are the kind of people I want more of in my life. People who are out there, unabashedly embracing their passion, despite living in a society that might have them believe there’s something wrong with them because of it.

The moment I realized who I was dealing with I decided to just go all out. To be myself, not hold back, and see where it takes me; if only because I may never have another opportunity like this again.

I opened my email to them as follows:

Dear Autumn & Company,

I’m going to keep this intro short and sweet, like a banana flavored anal plug (which, by the way, you do not sell).

I’ve shared two writing samples below that ought to give you a rough idea of my writing range. I’m pretty flexible and respond well to suggestions, so I should be fairly adaptable to your desires and easy to work with. In fact, I can sum up everything a prospective employer/collaborator needs to know about me in a single sentence.

Ready?

I am like a penis, endowed with a seemingly endless capacity to create, but when I don’t get excited, I don’t work.

Luckily for us, and the propagation of the species, sex and excitement seem to go hand in hand (though, in my case, more often hand to vulva).

The point being that sex is a topic so fundamental and compelling that we can shut our doors to the world to partake in it and yet somehow feel closer to the world in doing so. And if anything is worth devoting a lifetime of attention to it is something that opens more meaningful doors than the ones it closes.

…

Part of what makes this so hilarious to me is that when I think of speaking with a potential employer, I think of putting my best foot forward. And who would have thought this would be the foot I’d end up putting forth? I mean, this is the kind of foot that usually ends up in my mouth!

But I knew, even before I sent the email, that this little encounter had changed my life. Over the few days I’d spent writing and perfecting it I had projected myself into a future where I was working with, and writing for, people who push the envelope and embrace avant-garde avenues of self-exploration, pleasure and love.

As it turned out, the situation wasn’t quite what I had hoped. I ended up getting a form response that made it clear that whoever received my email either didn’t read it or didn’t care, and that I wouldn’t actually be working with anyone, merely writing and submitting for approval.

But the experience of so openly being myself changed me. Every time I shared this story, I lit up. Proud of who I allowed myself to be. And it became clear upon relating this story, to close friend and stranger alike, that this was the me I wanted more of in my life.

The World As We Know It

Our current education/employment system has been designed to get us to fit in, to sand off the edges that make us unique, so that no one gets poked in strange ways when dealing with us, in hopes of creating smoother, more predictable waters for all involved.

The thing is, the moment we agree to sand off our edges is the moment we lose our edge. It’s the moment where we hand our power over to the system or the employer or the policy-makers and agree to become a replaceable part instead of an irreplaceable instigator. And no matter how logical and justifiable fitting in may seem, one inescapable fact remains:

No one can compensate for the loss of your spark.

Sure, they can sell you on the value of being a warm piece of coal—convincing you that your predictable output allows people to cook to survive; but even the largest bed of coal is useless without a spark to set it ablaze.

There will always be a large group of people willing to follow, willing to hold the line, willing to carry the flame long after it’s burnt out and become the predictable coals that we take for granted. Choosing to be a part of this coal bed not only deprives us of your spark and innovation, it ensures the heat from the last spark will last even longer, further dampening the call for a new spark that might just change the world.

Meanwhile, choosing to become a spark has a markedly different effect. You not only stop being a part of the problem and start churning out potential solutions, but you show others it’s OK to do the same.

Sparks lead to fires not because the sparks themselves are larger than life, but because the world is so hungry to spread their light.

Start Now!

All you have to do to become a spark is to risk igniting the people around you. Risk supporting new and untested suggestions with, “Let’s try it and see what happens.” Gauge how close you are to someone and see if sharing something slightly more personal than usual brings you closer. Build rapport with a stranger by seeking out complementary differences, rather than generic common ground. And, above all, put more of yourself in all that you do. We crave your authenticity because the more willing you are to be yourself, the freer we feel to do the same.

Go! Start now! You don’t have to wait for anyone’s permission. And you don’t have to attempt something so scary it paralyzes you. Sparks were born to fly; you just have to keep moving until you strike something that lights your fire. But you’ll never get anywhere without a willingness to START.