FYI: The alternate title for this article was ‘How to Unapologetically Own Being a Poon Hound’ … Things get (tastefully) sexually explicit towards the end.
The thing they don’t tell you about confidence is that all it takes to be confident is a willingness to be truly OK with who you are and how you choose to act. Simply knowing this can open doors for you because once you understand that confidence is a choice you can finally give yourself permission walk through those doors.
One of the doors I’ve recently opened in my life is exploring polyamory (a relationship type where you give yourself and your partner permission to connect with others in ways that monogamous couples would consider cheating). This in turn opened other doors, because now I have the opportunity to express myself in ways I previously walled off.
Quick backstory: After I decided to explore polyamory I got an intuitive hit that if I went out that night I’d meet someone that would help me in my explorations. At the end of the night someone I hadn’t seen in years ran into me out of the blue and we started reconnecting.
The first time we talked she had to wait till her boss left so she could talk to me freely without anyone else around. I responded “Sounds naughty ” which opened the door for the conversation we had yesterday.
Me: Still planning to talk today or did you get too busy at work? No problem either way.
Her: I was just going to text you. Somebody is around where I work and I do not feel like I can talk openly on the phone. I’ll have to see if they leave.
Me: That’s OK. Maybe I’ll just send you naughty text messages instead.
The way I interpreted her “Oh!?” was that perhaps I had gone a little too far. I was already out of my comfort zone, and her ambiguous response was enough to send me back-pedaling.
Me: Haha, the idea of trying to fluster you at work intrigues me. But I can hold my horses if you’d just rather wait to talk later.
But sending this did little to ease my discomfort. In fact, now I felt even worse for having decided to back-pedal. It’s not so bad if I choose to be direct and miss the mark, but if I don’t stand up for it then I look even less confident.
Eventually I gathered myself and read her response.
Her: How would you go about flustering me? Hmm?
Yes! She wants me to flirt with her more! She’s challenging me to seduce her out of her mundane workday and into the magical world of wherever I may lead her!
Me: Depends what kind of work you do. If you were sitting at a desk I’d have you imagine me under there. You’d be wearing a skirt and I would softly run my hands up your thighs to your panties. Then I’d gently rub your clit through your panties and get you worked up. Bringing my lips to you, and kissing you through them. Tonguing across your clit as my finger presses your panties into your sopping wet vagina. Kissing and tonguing your inner thigh as I tease you. Then I’d pull your panties down and kiss you flesh to flesh. I’d rub my tongue back and forth across your clitoris as it swells in excitement. And I would keep licking you, and licking you, and licking you until you can barely take it anymore. At which point I would gently press two fingers inside of you; penetrating you; pressing themselves up against your g-spot. Your boss would walk past you while distracted, saying only enough to let you know he was leaving. And as soon as he’s out of shouting range you would let loose with a howling orgasm as I keep licking and fingering you until the last wave of pleasure courses through your being.
Nailed it! Booyah! I just hit that one out of the park.
I was so proud of myself for being willing to express myself honestly. It felt really good to focus that way and I was literally turned on by who I was being.
And then I got this response from her…
Her: Whoa Josh. You are a serious horn dog. Sounds like you need laid. Don’t you have a Gf?
I wasn’t expecting that response, but I was still feeling so good about who I was being that it almost didn’t matter how she responded.
I took the opportunity to have some fun with it and texted my buddy: “That awkward feeling when you write someone a text message sized erotica novel, only to find out they weren’t actually flirting…”
Then I began crafting my response with complete willingness to own every bit of who I allowed myself to be.
Me: What can I say? I have a lot of sexual energy. I like focusing purely and that’s what flows out of me when I do. Yes, I have gf. Yes, I get laid plenty. But for me it’s about the expression of love. Letting people know how lovable they are. And that’s why I like to focus as I do. And I’ve recently come to discover that it’s OK for me to focus this way. My expression of it it’s what’s most important, and by allowing myself to express it I allow myself to be me. The me that’s free. The me that existed inside before I got socialized to believe that sex was a bad thing unless under very certain circumstances. I’ve come to love who I’ve become. That my abundant sexual energy is not a curse, but a blessing. It doesn’t mean I have to be sexual with everyone I know, it just means that I sometimes lean in that direction, and sometimes mistake flirting or harmless banter with an invitation to go deeper. It’s OK if you’d rather just have platonic interactions. But it felt good to share what I shared.
Her: You are a wild man. Poly I take it?
And like that I went from looking like an under-serviced pervert to a fucking man who doesn’t need permission from anyone to be who he is. It didn’t even matter that she took what I said the wrong way, or if I misread the situation and ended up overplaying my hand. What mattered was I was finally creating a space to be who I truly am. To no longer hide parts of me out of fear of the judgment of others. And I was loving myself through failure instead of beating myself up for not getting the response I wanted.
That’s what I was really after. The me that I’ve always wanted to be.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to own who you truly are instead of hiding or minimizing it. It felt like Rudolph finally learning the true purpose of his shining red nose. And the path that my new found light is illuminating excites me more and more each day.