“I wish you were better at this.”
That was the feedback I heard, in the most loving way possible, while guiding someone through a new-to-me somatic/emotional technique on a support exchange call.
I was showing up tentatively. Trying not to make a mistake. Holding space, not sure where I should interject or how.
But when I heard his words, something shifted. Excitement flooded my system as I felt myself rising to the challenge. Those words were not a condemnation, but an invitation. An invitation to play bigger.
Free from the uncertainty of trying to do it right, I leaned on what I do best. I listened. Not for a problem that needed solving, or even a way I could help, but for my intuition to guide the way.
As I listened, thoughts would arise. If my whole system lit up I’d share the thought. If it didn’t, I’d hold space and listen more.
The result was a night and day difference. Instead of feeling stuck, we found all sorts of clarity. And I went from not knowing what I was doing, to giving him an inspired homework opportunity by the end of the call:
Feel what it’s like to be fully met, and listen for what emotions get in the way of you having that.
Him: “Where’d you hear that one from?”
Me: “I intuited it for you just now.”
Instead of trying to guide him through something I’ve never done before, I followed the guidance that’s been available to me all along and remembered that the magic is within me. But if he had been polite and never challenged me, I would have had some felt sense of not showing up fully and would have left unsure of what I did wrong.
Challenge destroys edifices built on faulty foundation, like an earthquake that topples any structure not built to withstand its force. With enough earthquakes, the whole city will be built on solid foundation, because everything else would’ve crumbled by now.
I want to seek out more challenge. I want to let all my false premises falter. I want to stop trying to do things right, and start discovering how to do them my way.
Want to help?