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Sometimes I feel distant from the world. Like the gap between who I’m being and who I want to be is so great that I don’t want there to be any witnesses to this crime of untapped potential. So I hold back, obscuring my imperfections and shortcomings behind a veil of silence.

On the surface, reversing this trend seems like a question of discipline. There are a million things I could do to improve, it’s just a matter of doing them. But nobody grows from the crack of a whip. You don’t ready yourself for change by hardening yourself where you are. Nor can you simply stretch a seedling into a full grown tree. You can only give something what it needs to thrive, or not.

Untapped potential is not an artifact of being under-disciplined, it’s an artifact of being under-loved. It is the result of not loving yourself where you are (sapping yourself of the sunlight and water that fuels your growth) until your current self feels so alien from your desired self that you no longer believe in your ability to close the gap between the two.

The crime of untapped potential is not a daring heist gone awry, but a habit of focusing on the things you are not, instead of leveraging the things you already are.

I may not be ready to write a best-selling book, or even the perfect ending to this little blurb; but I can focus on something that matters to me, look at it in a new light, and share what I see. And maybe, just maybe, let that be enough for today; sowing the seeds of self-love along the way.

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I’ve been inviting fear in at the slightest hint of negative emotion lately, and it’s consistently lifted me into a better feeling place. Sometimes when I invite fear in, it tells me it’s name. “You’re afraid of not being good enough.” Or, “You’re looking at this in a way that’s untrue.” Other times, it has no name. Instead of words coming to mind, I just get an instant feeling of relief. Almost as if I called fear in to consult with me and it just gives me a thumbs up and told me “nothing to worry about here, you’ve got this.”

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When most people think of overcoming fear they think of forcing themselves into scary situations. But what if there was a softer, gentler way to let go of the fears that are holding you back? What if you could think of fear as something you have a relationship with, and instead of trying to get rid of it, you discovered a way to get something invaluable out of your time together?

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As I was standing in line I noticed the words
“Brewed fresh daily” followed by a proverb
What were they brewing, coffee or faith?
What was I doing with my time while I wait?
Standing around like I’d rather be elsewhere
In line for a fix like I’m on energy welfare
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Homecoming. The sound of your home town drumming
The sound of your past rising up, and all the shunning
Is home where you come from?
Or is home where you go?
Is home where you’ve done someth’n?
Or is home what you know?
Is there a home for the homeless?
For the wandering minds?
For those who couldn’t care less?
And missed all the signs?
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I decided to try online dating again after I got inspired to create this fun tinder profile:

My plan was to match with a bunch of fun people and follow up with clever lines like.

  • “69-1-1. Please state the nature of your emergency.”
  • “Ma’am, where are you located? … Officer En Route”
  • “The nearest safehouse available is [My Address]. Walk through the front door, enter the first room on the left and go down immediately.”

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A focus wheel is a powerful exercise that helps you align with your desire . It’s incredibly simple. Name your desire. Write out twelve statements that match that desire and feel true. (Only write down thoughts that feel very pure and don’t require convincing to get you to believe them, let every other thought go.) Then finish with a declarative Statement that excites you about what you’ve accomplished simply by completing this exercise.

After yesterday’s post on manifesting the perfect people to live with, I’ve decided to share the focus wheel that helped me accomplish it. I completed it about a month ago with the help of a friend who advised me to read it every morning and night for a week and then put it away and let the universe do its work.

At the time I was hoping to get into a big cooperative house, but discouraged by how slowly things were progressing, and the fact that in order to get in I would need to gain the approval of at least 20 other housemates (a single “block” disqualifies you). So we softened it by saying “I’ll get into this house or somewhere even better!” and then began reaching for the essence behind my desire.

In this post I’ll share the focus wheel I created. And then describe the unexpected ways that these thoughts begin influencing my reality, that eventually led to me finding the perfect new home.

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When you seriously want something, it’s hard not to take it too seriously. We’ve all had that feeling of falling short of a desire. Kicking ourselves for not having done more when we had the chance. And that memory can often lead us to traveling down difficult paths in the name of giving our desires all we’ve got.
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The more I explore emotions, the more I realize how biased I am against the negative ones. Noticing this trend has led to a radical thought, “What if there are no good or bad emotions? What if each emotion has a gift that no other emotion can give us? Am I passing up the gift of all the lower emotions because I’m too arrogant to believe they have something of value to offer me?”

Last night I started reading a book called The Gift of Fear, where the author talks about situations where people were victimized. I found myself turned off by it. It didn’t feel empowering to see other people as a victim. But he took things to a deeper level by talking about how our intuition can predict and steer us away from violence before it happens. In that sense we’re not really a victim of other’s actions, but not following our own guidance.

As fate would have it, today I had an experience where I felt like a victim. But instead of just acting like a victim, I owned it. “I asked you to stop repeatedly and you didn’t, that’s like rape!” Maybe I was being melodramatic, especially since the only things being hurled at me were words, but there was something soothing about seeing myself as a victim. It made it OK for me to feel like I did because it felt like the appropriate response to that situation. Instead of beating myself up for feeling in a negative place, I understood why I felt the way I did.

Naming it actually caused me to feel less like a victim. I immediately cut myself some slack, and stopped being a victim of my own self-judgment. No longer saddled by my own in-fighting, I could focus on the circumstances at hand with fresh eyes. I felt empowered to shift the situation now that I knew what role I was playing in it. And once I made that shift, whatever I was doing to attract the behavior that was victimizing me ended too.

It feels weird putting it this way, but identifying myself as a victim actually made me feel more empowered. The moment I had this realization, I thought back to The Gift of Fear. After, feeling the power of being a victim, firsthand, I now felt eager to crack open that book and read it with an open mind. In fact, I wasn’t a victim at all! I was the benefactor of an experience that helped me connect with a desire I never even knew I had!

I never would have guessed that I would want to feel like a victim, but feeling it led to the profound realization about my life’s work. Now the side project I’d been working on that involves navigating the emotional scale from the lowest lows to the highest highs, has become the work I want to build my life around. I want to find a way to focus on it more and more and include others in the process, and write a book littered with success stories from all the people this work has helped along the way.

And maybe I don’t even need to try to build my life around it. Maybe events like today will happen more frequently, and my desire to follow through on this work will manifest whether I try to make it happen or not.

What I am discovering is that the power of understanding your emotions and how to leverage them properly can create powerful shifts in both your physical and emotional world. Just by understanding where you’re coming from, and how you want to feel, you can navigate even the trickiest of situations. Just like a GPS can take you anywhere you want to go, just by knowing where you are and where you want to be.

In this video I’ll try to dive deeper into this subject, and hopefully discover some new insights along the way. So tune in if you’re ready to explore those lower emotions in a new light, and reclaim power you might have otherwise discarded.

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This episode of Meeting Criticism with Love is about doing the vibrational work to help you regularly and easily practice noncomplementary behavior (being able to meet hostility with warmth). I’ll be using my vibrational mastery process that I’ve showcased in several past videos.

The vibrational mastery process works by asking a series of questions on different emotional levels starting from the most negative emotions and going all the way to the best feeling emotions. (E.g. “What do I fear?” “What do I need?” “What do I hate about this?” “How might I be disappointed?” “What am I worried about?” Then by the end the questions are: “What would I be excited to wake up to every morning?” “What about this stirs my passion?” “What do I love about this?”)

It basically helps you find peace with a topic on every emotional level, so that no matter how you’re feeling about it, you never feel lost or stuck. It’s like knowing a city so well you could never get lost in it. But with your own emotional landscape.

Here’s the link to Episode 1 of Meeting Criticism with Love in case you missed it.

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