This episode of Meeting Criticism with Love is about doing the vibrational work to help you regularly and easily practice noncomplementary behavior (being able to meet hostility with warmth). I’ll be using my vibrational mastery process that I’ve showcased in several past videos.
The vibrational mastery process works by asking a series of questions on different emotional levels starting from the most negative emotions and going all the way to the best feeling emotions. (E.g. “What do I fear?” “What do I need?” “What do I hate about this?” “How might I be disappointed?” “What am I worried about?” Then by the end the questions are: “What would I be excited to wake up to every morning?” “What about this stirs my passion?” “What do I love about this?”)
It basically helps you find peace with a topic on every emotional level, so that no matter how you’re feeling about it, you never feel lost or stuck. It’s like knowing a city so well you could never get lost in it. But with your own emotional landscape.
Do you find yourself getting overly defensive when others criticize you? Does the prospect of being criticized prevent you from sharing something you’d otherwise love to? Then you’ll definitely learn a thing or two from this series on Meeting Criticism with Love. Join me as I go through my own personal journey toward creating a healthier relationship with criticism so I can create with ease and flow.
“Psychology has a golden rule: If I am warm, you are usually warm. If I am hostile, you are too. But what happens if you flip the script and meet hostility with warmth? It’s called ‘noncomplementary behavior — a mouthful, but a powerful concept, and very hard to execute. But people do manage to sometimes behave in noncomplementary ways. And when they do, it often completely shakes up a situation.”
A friend of mine recently started live streaming every day, and even though I’ve only watched about 5% of the stuff he’s put out there, it was enough to inspire me to start live streaming 4 times a week. I’m only at the beginning of my live streaming journey, but I’m already getting tremendous benefit from it! Here are 5 things I’ve already learned to love from my first week of live streaming.
No Editing: Because it’s live and you’re “on the air” you can’t edit things in real time. So you’re force to practice just being yourself, and if you want a better product then it’ll come through becoming more prepared or improving over time, not through endlessly editing yourself into perfection.
Accountability: If you have plans to live stream at a certain time or a certain day, then you’re more likely to show up. If you just work on a video on your own, you can get bogged down with doing multiple takes or multiple edits and perhaps delay its release indefinitely. Live streaming holds you accountable to actually creating and sharing when you say you’re going to.
Impacting Others: Putting yourself out there gives you a chance to impact others, even if you’re only getting a handful of viewers. Even if your product isn’t as perfect as you’d like to be, it’s super easy for others to connect with you and get something out of your work. And the more you experience someone getting a benefit for something you wish you could do much better, the more you realize you don’t have to be perfect to make a difference.
Getting In the Habit of Creating: Committing to regular live streams gets you in the habit of creating. I know I’m going to be streaming four times a week, so I’m regularly on the lookout for things that interest me that I want to dive more deeply into, and live streaming about it gives me a space to actually scratch that itch rather than let it pass as a fleeting thought. Even writing this blog post is a result of this new habit. I had a thought and instead of trying to polish it into perfection I birthed it into this world, trusting that it will evolve into the more I’m looking for as it grows along the way.
Using Live Streaming As A Means to Improve Myself: Since I’m just starting and hardly have an audience, I have to make sure I’m getting something worthwhile out of what I’m creating, otherwise it would feel like a waste of time. Consequently I’ve been very focused on using my live streaming time to tackle subjects that I would personally benefit from understanding more deeply. And there’s a great chance that I’m not the only one who’s looking for that deeper understanding, so focusing on helping myself also helps others who are looking for the same thing.
I live stream every Monday/Weds/Thurs/Saturday, usually in the evenings. Check out my Live Your Desires Facebook page to watch old videos, or like it to be notified when I’m streaming live.
I did some more inspired movements tonight while on the phone with a freind. Midway through she started asking me questions and then I would allow my inspired movements to show me the answer. Here are some of the interpretations/experiences that came forth.
Insights on Healing
Healing is not about receiving something, it’s about becoming something. You feel so much more love by flowing love to someone, then from being on the receiving end of someone else’s love.
After my friend stopped me and prompted me to write that down I felt this incredibly soft yet uplifting energy, because in that moment I was recognizing all the things I’d already become. And was an energy that would make it impossible to feel down on myself, like there’s no way I could be downtrodden if I was aware of who I really was.
How to Tell If You’re Accurately Translating Your Guidance
I discovered that when I translate the meaning of something, if I’m wrong I will feel a pinching off in the back of my neck or spine. Therefore I can have full confidence in my interpretation so long as I’m not feeling pinched off.
A friend of mine recently asked me about my thoughts on cheating after experiencing a “yucky” situation. Hopefully you’ll find some of these useful if you’ve ever cheated, been cheated on, or been party to someone else’s cheating.
1) The root of all cheating can boiled down to one question, “Why would deception feel easier than the truth?”
Lies inherently require more effort and mental resources than simply telling the truth, but they often appear to be a shortcut to what we want. Why would this be? Perhaps because the person being deceived is perceived as more of an obstacle than an avenue, so the path of least resistance is simply to go around them.
2) Cheating often has a placebo effect in the sense that trying something outside the rules makes it easier to believe we’ll experience the desire that’s been eluding us. A healthy alternative is to break patterns instead of rules. Rules prohibit us from specific things in obvious ways; patterns prohibit us from whole swaths of possibilities in ways we seldom even notice.
3) Relationships die because they stop growing. They become fixed and dependable, which gives us a breather from dealing with the uncertainty of life, but the only reason we want that breather is because we’ve lost faith in our ability to attract what we desire through the unknown.
Cheating exposes us to the unknown through a familiar channel with the specific intent of satisfying desire. It blends the unknown with some of the desires that are on our mind most often. Perhaps if we more actively integrated the unknown into our daily lives, we could cultivate the fruit that cheating yields without having to pluck from another tree.
I recently had a bunch of blood tests done and I noticed that if the nurse inserted the needle just one millimeter off from the vein, he or she wouldn’t be able to draw blood no matter how much they poked around. But if the nurse was spot on, blood would be drawn with ease 100% of the time. The first time I got poked it was just to the left of the vein, and no blood was drawn. Then they’d try again and do it perfectly. So the next nurse that saw me saw two tiny holes in my arm and tried the one that didn’t work first. This pattern of getting poked twice instead of once continued until I discovered that if I simply told them, “this hole works, that hole draws nothing,” they would get it right 100% of the time.
Some of us are so used to measuring productivity by how much work we do, that it’s easy to get confused when hard work doesn’t lead to results. But, sometimes working hard is like trying to draw blood from a spot just millimeters off from the vein. It looks so much like it should work that it can fool three seasoned professionals, but in the end you get next to nothing even though they’re performing the exact same actions that lead to success when they find an angle that’s spot on.
Yesterday I watched two guys playing chess and found myself thinking, “That looks fun, but I’m not good enough to know how to play optimally, so why bother?” As I kept watching I noticed myself having fun just thinking about the moves I would make if I was playing, and I thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could play just for fun and not be invested in winning or losing?”
That got me thinking. If I’m setting the bar this high for a game I don’t even play, and it’s preventing me from even starting, what is this line of thinking doing to things I genuinely want to accomplish?
A good person is limited to doing things they believe are good. If someone else has a different definition of good, their identity as a good person is threatened unless they conform to others’ perception of good as well.
A free person is free to do as they choose. If you’re free, you’re not limited by anything, not even your beliefs.
You don’t have to choose between the two, but I’d rather be a free person who follows their own definition of good, than a good person who can only truly feel free under certain circumstances.
Here are five signs that you may be sabotaging your success by trying to be a good person:
You only feel like you can be yourself when you’re alone or around certain people
You have hidden desires that you seldom share with others
You do things you don’t want to do, even though you don’t have to
You’re unwilling to challenge beliefs that no longer feel good to you
You would rather be uncomfortable than risk being embarrassed
How many of these apply to you? I know all five apply to me under different circumstances. You don’t have to do anything about them right now, just be honest with yourself about where you’re holding back. Tomorrow I’ll write about how to reverse this trend and give yourself the space to start being openly you.
I recently heard that compassion and gratitude are the highest vibrations we experience. However, compassion doesn’t feel high vibrational to me. How does relating or feeling sad for others translate to high vibration? How does that serve anyone? Compassion is never used towards people experiencing great things. It used when people are experiencing struggle and pain so how is it a high vibration to think and relate to a person’s struggles?
Have you ever passed up on an opportunity because you didn’t feel good enough? Maybe you imagined all the other people who were more qualified than you and assumed it was pointless for you to throw your hat in the ring.
Well, that’s exactly how I felt when I saw an opening for a freelance writing position that would involve me writing about all the beautiful places and attractions in the state of Wisconsin, EVERY DAY! I’d be getting PAID to practice appreciation! I got all excited about applying, but then quickly talked myself out of it. “I write very inconsistently, there’s no proof that I could write every day even if I was being paid to.”
I felt defeated and gave up.
A few days later I came across a piece of advice meant for someone else that shifted my mindset completely:
“APPLY! Let them tell you no. Right now you’re denying yourself.”
Letting go is easy once you know everything you need is already waiting for you once you get there. The journey is not about making sure everything goes right, but enjoying what’s in front of you right now.